A Date like Hell with Aizen Sousuke
by Lonewingwriter
Summary: Aihime, somewhat Canon setting, crack humor. Morals of the story: 1 Never date Aizen. 2 Never do experiment in the kitchen. 3 Never eat something from a pissed off subordinate. 5  Watch out for an in love Aizen. 6  Watch out for a pissed off Orihime.


**A/N: **

This story was written back in October, two weeks of writing and giggling like a mad girl on the street...One and a half month in my beta's hand **TheDrunkenWerewolf**until today when she sent it back to me and I immediately corrected the errors to present it to you.

Please say thank to **TheDrunkenWerewolf**, the hero who looked over and swept through the grammar of this gigantic 8,000 words one-shot. The reason for such a long oneshot is...because it's a long oneshot...which means I don't like to break up something that is supposed to be a oneshot into a multi-chapter story nor I want to shorten the story by cutting my ideas just because it's an oneshot. And one-shot also means completed story and no more if you ask.

Ask for summary before reading...Nope, surprise, surprise...

**Warning**: Crack humor for a crack pairing - possible OCCness within a reasonable range of acceptance (...?..., well, if not, you'll tell me).

(12/5/11)

* * *

><p>It was once said that love could bring the craziest side from the most placid and well-nurtured person, adding fire and passion to warm the coldest heart on earth. That, Gin would never believe. At least he would never believe someone like Aizen would run around in a bunny costume, confessing his love to some random girls on the street. No, Aizen-sama didn't care about love and most likely would never be able to taste its sweetness.<p>

Gin sighed. What was he thinking about? He needed to bake an almond cake for the Lord of Las Noches now. Damn that Aizen for turning him into an errand boy. Maybe if he really fell in love with a girl, Gin could be free and not have to do all of these trivial boring things for Aizen. He was a lieutenant, for god's sake, why the hell did he have to bake a cake now? Aizen better start the war against Soul Society soon, or Gin himself would start a rebellion against the ex-captain of the filth division to escape this unbearable ennui.

Gin opened the kitchen door and was surprised to see smoke everywhere. God, now some idiots decided to destroy the kitchen, but at least Gin could use this excuse to turn down the cooking duty. In the mist of the smoking stream, Gin saw the back of someone that looked like Szayel, except he had his pink hair tied into a ponytail, and he seemed to be very concentrated into making something. Oh, so the mad scientist decided to cook now. What a surprise!

"What're ya doing here, huh? Are ya makin' something bad that ya don't want others ta see?"

Startled by Gin's sudden appearance, Szayel tuned his head to face Gin and almost dropped a small empty bottle in his hand. Gin looked at the table and saw at least 10 more bottles with the same size but they all had liquid with different color inside.

"What're those?" Gin asked, pointing at the bottles.

Carefully putting the bottle he almost dropped down, Szayel wore a fake smile on his face before answering Gin, "Nothing much, Gin-sama. They are flavours I extract from the fruits. Like this one." He pointed to the violet bottle, "It's a grape flavour. And this one", he pointed to the light red bottle, "is the cherry favor," He pointed to the light brown bottle, "And this one is the almond favor."

_Almond favor! Interesting. _Gin could feel his stomach all boil up under a rising excitement.

"And I am extracting the mango flavour for this one." Szayel pointed to the empty bottle that he almost dropped, but Gin wasn't listening any more. His eyes were now glued at the almond bottle. If he had the almond flavour, his job would be reduced by half. He could quickly bake the cake in half an hour and used the free time to read the new manga that he just brought from the living world. He mentally nodded his head in satisfaction and quietly took the almond flavor bottle into his shelve while Szayel returned to his work, completely absorbed in extracting the favor.

(-0-o-0-)( Aizen -(XxX)-Orihime) (-0-o-0-)

Szayel nodded his head in content, looking at his masterpiece. So far, he had collected 20 different flavours. That baka Gin! Little did he know that these bottles were not the normal favours. They were actually flavoured love potions. Recently, Szayel just discovered an ancient magic book from the living world. He had always wondered if things like love potions existed, and he thought that it would be much more interesting to have love potions with different flavours. Now, who would be the first lab rat for this newest achievement? He would think of it later, for now he needed to put these into a box, seal it and hide it in a secret place before he could try any experiment with it. He carefully counted the bottles and put them in his little silver chest.

One, two, three...eighteen, nineteen. _Huh._

One, two, three...eighteen, nineteen. _Hum._

One, two, three...eighteen, nineteen. _What the hell is going on here?_

One, two, three...eighteen, nineteen. _It cannot happen._

Soaking in sweat, Szayel ran like crazy around the kitchen, trying to find the lost bottle in vain. Damn that snake, it must be Gin that stole it. What should he do now?"

XxXxX-Aihime-XxXxX

Orihime carefully peeked through the door and waved her hand, signalling Ulquiorra to come closer. She whispered, "I think it went over there."

Ulquiorra coldly scolded her, "Let's go back to your room. You're not allowed to wander around Las Noches. Let's go."

Orihime looked at him with her puppy eyes, begging for his permission, "But...but it's a new born cat. I can't leave it alone. Please, Ulquiorra, just this one time, please allow me to find it."

Ulquiorra sighed, "I'll go to the left, you go to the right. Try not to get lost."

Orihime clasped her hands together happily and smiled, "Thank you, Ulquiorra."

XxXxX-Aihime-XxXxX

Orihime leaned her back against a wall, panting, she had been looking for the cat for a whole hour, and now...she got lost. She did not know where she was any more. All the corridors in Las Noches were the same. What should she do now?

Orihime looked to her left and saw a familiar door, maybe if she went over there, she would find a way out to her room.

Orihime opened the door, eyes wide opened. Now, she knew why it was so familiar.

Aizen sat on his throne, looking at Orihime in surprise, but then he smiled and signalled her to come closer.

She was in Aizen's throne room again. It had been a few days since she'd last been here and was shown the Hougyoku by Aizen himself.

She came closer, unsure of what to do next, but Aizen had pointed the chair next to his, telling her to sit on it. Aizen smiled at her with his deep brown eyes and lightly put his hands on her.

"You come just in time, Orihime. Gin just baked an almond cake for me. Do you want to try it?"

Almond cake? Food! Good food! She was being starved in here, the meals they gave her were not for humans to eat. She hoped that this was an edible almond cake, not the crap she had been eating, but when she saw Aizen eat the cake deliciously, she guessed it must be good.

However, before Orihime could know how tasty the cake was, Aizen suddenly grabbed her wrists and pulled her onto his lap. He looked at her dreamily, "Oh Orihime, my heart is pounding so fast right now. Never have I felt something like this before. Never have I laid my eyes on someone as beautiful as you are. Never have I seen any eyes brighter. Never have I seen any skin fairer. Never have I seen any lips fuller. Never have I seen any hair silkier. Orihime, I'm in love with you."

On Aizen's lap, Orihime sat dumbfound, totally speechless. Aizen Sousuke was in love with her? What a joke. He looked so different from before. The gentle mild-manner Aizen now became somewhat fiercer. He tilted her chin up and looked at her, full of love, "Do you love me too, Orihime?'

Love? What was going on here? How was she supposed to love a hundred years old something man who was not even a human? He was devilishly handsome and utterly charming, yes, but she would not fall in love with her captor in just a mere second. However, he didn't give her any time to respond. He looked at her sadly, "You don't love me. But why? What should I do to make you love me, Orihime?"

This was getting crazier and crazier now. Aizen was not himself today.

"Should I climb on the highest mountain, swim through the biggest ocean to show you how much I'm in love with you right now, Orihime? I'll do anything for you, Orihime, just name it and I can even die for you.'

It would be really nice if he could do so, then Ichigo and Soul Society would win by default. Orihime really wanted to open her mouth and tell him that she would be very very happy if he died now, immediately, and gave her back to her friends, but she was not that stupid. Something was going on here, and she had to be careful to not fall into his traps.

Then the door was roughly opened by Gin and another man with pink hair that she had never met before. They looked so anxious, their foreheads were dampened in sweat. Gin was the first one broke the silence:

"Um, Aizen-sama. Are ya ok? Do ya feel anythin' strange with yer body?"

But Aizen totally ignored Gin, instead he tilted her head back to face him, "Why are you looking at him? Do you like him? I'm the only man you're allowed to look at. You like him, don't you? Then I'll kill him, so that you can never look at any men but me."

With that, Aizen gently put Orihime down and stood up, grabbing his sword, ready to strike Gin.

This was a joke, right? She must be dreaming. No way someone would be killed just because she looked at him, right? This was a very very bad joke.

Gin's face was pale white, but he still managed to let a smile sweep through his face, "Now, now, Aizen-sama, ya joking, ain't ya? I just came here to help ya set a date with Orihime-chan, and is this how ya pay me?'

Aizen's eyes were as bright as the sun when Gin mentioned about the date, "Really? You will really help me to set a date with Orihime?"

"Of course, Aizen-sama. Now, you need to groom yourself a little bit before the date, don't you?" Gin pushed Aizen into the bathroom. "Make sure you'll be presentable before the date, ok?"

Aizen nodded eagerly before closing the bathroom's door. Gin sighed in relief and turned to Orihime,

"Orihime-chan, listen. Aizen-sama probably ate a cake with a love potion in it that made him fall in love with the first person he set his eyes on. And you..." Gin covered his mouth to hide his bursting laughter. "And you're...", could not contain his laughter any further and let it all out, "You're the lucky one." Gin knocked his fists on the wall as his laughter got out of control. "Aizen-sama's in love..." He knocked his fists on the wall harder as his laughter became louder, "Aizen-sama's in love." Gin turned to Orihime and grabbed her hands, still laughing uncontrollably, "Orihime, please promise me one thing. Make Aizen-sama wear a pink bunny costume, running around Las Noches, ok? I have to take a picture of it and put it on facebook. This is a golden chance, make sure you'll not miss it, got it?"

Gin's words were so fragmented and incoherent when it went into her ears. Love potion? Did this thing even exist? The first one he set his eyes on...She asked Gin, her mind was still fuzzy and incomprehensible, "Can I go back to my room now?" She asked mindlessly before heading to the door, but Gin had stopped her. "Ya cannot leave now. Ya hav' to date with Aizen-sama first."

Orihime looked at Gin in disbelief, "Date? Why do I have to date him? I'll come back to my room."

Gin said boldly, "If ya leave now, we'll all die. Aizen-sama is not himself. He's under the potion, all of his wits are gone. He will only think of ya and ya alone. If he doesn't see ya when he gets back, he'll get angry and kill everyone in his sight. And who knows what he will do with the living world when he is in his rage? Ya have to date him until he calm down. Don't worry, the potion will only last for one day. After that, ya can return to your room and don't have to date him anymore."

But before Orihime could say anything, Aizen already came back in his new clothing. Orihime blushed. He looked even more ravishing in a dark blue kimono embroidered with tiny white lilies scattering around. Her heart beat so fast against her chest when he held her hands in his and asked Gin, "Now, what should we do first for the date, Gin."

Gin pointed to the next door, "I prepared everythin' next door. Ya can have tea and try to understand each other better." As Aizen headed to the room, humming happily, Gin murmured into Orihime's ears, "It's best that you keep him in that room for the whole day. I don't know what kind of crazy things he'll do if he gets outside in his current condition, and I have never experienced this before. Remember, do anything in your power to keep him from getting out, got it?" Then he turned away and pulled out a manga, "Now, excuse me, I really need to know what happen in the fight between Naruto and Pain." With that, he left. The one with pink hair still remained in the room though, he looked at Orihime and Aizen with amused eyes but still stood there in silence, watching them go into the next room.

XxXxX-Aihime-XxXxX

They quietly sat on their knees, each at the opposite side of the small wooden rectangle table, but Aizen's gaze had never left her face, and it made her a little bit uncomfortable. She was never looked at this way before; so intense, but full of longing and affection. Although she knew it was all because of the love potion, she could not help but shiver in excitement every time he brushed his hands over hers and smiled at her warmly. She tried to look around, to get distracted and escape from Aizen's intense gaze. The room was decorated like a Japaneses tea room. The wall was made from bamboo with several word pictures hanging on it. Seeing Orihime stare at the word pictures, Aizen smiled,

"I did a little bit of calligraphy. Do you like it?"

Orihime asked in astonishment, "So, did you write all of these?" She waved her hands toward the word pictures.

A shade of red crept through Aizen's face and he nodded shyly. Oh Kami, he was so cute. Orihime could never imagine an Aizen like this, so pure and innocent like a white blank paper, but soon later she immediately regretted for approving this new Aizen.

Aizen took a huge pile of paper out of nowhere, and began to ardently write something on them. Then he handed her one sheet of paper after the next, "If you love my calligraphy so much, I'm willing to give you all of these, so that you could freely admire my singular talent as much as you want." He put her hands in his, and looked at her passionately, "Orihime, please think of this as our love token, and you can look at my words whenever you miss me. Oh, I can't believe that I could be so romantic. Orihime, take more, you will need a lot of these."

Orihime looked at the papers in horror. All of them had the same content.

**ORIHIME. I LOVE YOU.**

**ORIHIME. I LOVE YOU.**

**ORIHIME. I LOVE YOU.**

**:**

**:**

**:**

One thing Orihime knew for sure. She needed none of that. She doubted she would ever in her life miss him even for just a second. And what should she do with those love tokens? They were enough to make wallpapers for four rooms like her room, and maybe for the ceiling too. Now every time she woke up, the first thing she would see would be "Orihime, I love you". She had to eat with "Orihime, I love you" surrounding her four sides. Maybe she wouldn't need to eat any more because she was sure her eyes would be well fed with "Orihime, I love you.". Then, when she went to sleep, the last thing she would see would be "Orihime, I love you." It was even worse than being imprisoned in the deepest floor of Hell. She would be haunted by "Orihime, I love you" for the rest of her life.

Little did she know that it was only the beginning of her date in Hell.

XxXxXxXxX

Aizen gave her a handkerchief, much to her surprise, "Orihime, don't cry. I know you're very touched by my love for you. You don't need to hold it any more. You could freely jump into my arms now."

Not only Aizen lost his mind, he seemed to have lost his five senses too. What eye of his saw her crying? Or even she didn't know whether she was crying or not. Worse, Aizen was spreading his arms wide open, literally, waiting for her to fall into his welcoming body. God, no way Orihime would do what he wanted. End of story.

Orihime said irritatedly, "I did not cry."

Aizen still eagerly explained, "Oh, but you will cry sooner or later, out of my love for you. Now..." Aizen looked at her, full of hope, his arms were still wide open, waiting to hold her deep and tight, but Orihime still insisted to look away.

Hurt in his eyes, Aizen held her hands in his, "Could it be that you do not love me?"

Wasn't it as clear as day? Of course she didn't love him. She didn't take a love potion and didn't lose her mind, thanks for asking.

However, Aizen was nowhere near to give up, "Worry not, Orihime. I'll show you how much I love you and make you fall for me in no time."

XxXxX-Aihime-XxXxX

Aizen flicked his fingers, and a gate appeared. He then wrapped his arm around her waist and took her into the gate. Before she knew what was going on, she was floating in the sky, under her was the boundless ocean. Suddenly, Aizen pushed her down, making her fall into the ferocious waves that were waiting to swallow her at any moment. Aizen above waved at her excitedly and yell, "Don't worry, Orihime. I'll go there right now to save you."

WHAT THE HELL?

Furiously, Orihime called out Saten Kessun to sit on it and called out Koten Zashun to protect her from the hungry sharks that kept coming at her. Around five minute later, when Orihime was so exhausted and thought that she couldn't make it, Aizen swam to her and swept out all the sharks in just one strike. He told her proudly, "It took me only five minutes to swim across this whole ocean and rescue you. Am I cool? Can you feel my love for you a little?"

Raging beyond reason, Orihime snapped at him, "Why did you push me down?"

Aizen cheerfully explained, "Because only when you're in danger, my blood would boil like crazy, every nerve of my brain rushes through and tells me only one thing "to save you at all cost". It's the best feeling, and it's the only way that I can show you how much I love you, that I can do anything for you, that I can even give up my life just to save you. Besides..." he blushed and shyly continued, "Do you think it's more romantic this way? I'm the hero to save my beloved princess from the evil sharks." He took her hands in his and looked at her sincerely, "Don't worry my love, I'll protect you from any danger."

No, he was the one that she needed to be protected from. The one that she needed to get away from immediately. This was beyond madness. Orihime realized in horror that, this man, even when he was deeply in love, was incurably selfish. The only one he really cared about was himself and no one else. With this pace, she would die sooner or later if she continued to be with him.

Orihime said gently, trying to hide her anger and fear, "Let's go home."

However, Aizen was still in his high, "I'll show you more and more of my love for you."

And so, to show her more and more of his love, he...

Threw her in the middle of a forest which was rumored to have the most dangerous animals on earth only to be returned one hour later, telling the torn up and half-dead bloody Orihime how brave he was to defeat all of the forest beasts and went through the most hazardous path just to save her.

Trapped her in a maze, making her wander around in desperation, hungry and thirsty under the heated sun, falling into holes every five minutes and being hung in the air every ten minutes, being attacked by some mysterious creatures very fifteen minutes, having a random rain poured on her fragile body every twenty minutes or so, and being chased by an unexpected huge rolling stone that didn't have a time of when it would appear. After two hours, Aizen finally showed his inflated face, telling her, full of pride, of how he went through the maze without any scratch just to save her. In absolute delight, he also didn't forget to brag with her that only stupid people would fall for such simple traps like the ones set in this maze. Seeing the frown on her face, however, he immediately reassured her that he found her extremely attractive when she ran around, crying in terror, that he would still love her no matter how dimwitted she could be, and that her being lacked of brain was what he found most appealing about her.

Pushed her down from the roof of a 578 floor building, making her heart stop for a full minute, her soul was completely sucked out of her as her body, like a fierce arrow, headed straight to the ground. When her body almost crashed the ground and she thought that this was a goodbye for her pitiful life, he came from no where and wrapped his arms around her body, eagerly asked her if she was happy to be saved just in time by her hero.

Dropped her in the middle of a tribe of cannibals. Those cannibals people looked at her with hungry eyes. They didn't miss any seconds to tie her up and hang her above the fire, ready to grill her and had their first meal in several months. Tears rolled down her cheek. This was really a goodbye for her poor life. When the fire was just about to reach her shoes, Aizen showed up, taking his sword out heroically, pretending to fight very hard against everyone in the tribe only to kill every single of them later. He looked at her sincerely, fake tears in his eyes, telling her how hard this battle was, that he thought he might lose his life here, that the only thing that kept him going was his undying love for her, and that the reason he could win was because of her face kept popping in his head, encouraging him to continue so that they could be together at the end of the day.

XxXxXxX

Aizen held his chin with his two fingers, thinking really hard, "What should I do next to show you how much I love you, huh?"

Trembling in fear, Orihime tried to grab his hand, her body was so weak right now under the physical emotional pressure she had been through, she murmured, "I've had enough, I want to go home now."

Aizen looked at her sadly, "But I haven't shown you how much I love you yet. There are still a lot of things I could do for you. I could jump into an ocean of fire to save you..."

Frightened beyond imagination, this time she would really die if he threw her in the middle of a fire ocean, she hastily stopped him, "Please, don't... no need to do anything else. I already understand your love to me."

"Really?" Aizen's eyes shone brightly, but then he furrowed his eyebrows, "But then why are you crying?"

Orihime immediately wiped her tears away, "Like you said before, now I'm indeed crying out of your love to me. Your love has touched my heart deeply. Can we go home now?"

"So do you love me back then?", Aizen asked, his eyes were full of hope.

To save her little life, Orihime had no choice but lie, "Of course, you're so villain, I mean valiant. Who would not fall for a hero like you who would do anything for my sake? Let's go home and celebrate our love." Ok, she decided, she rather dated him for a few more hours than to die in vain in a mid of a fire ocean.

In pure bliss, Aizen cheerfully carried Orihime in his arms and opened a gate to bring them back to Las Noches.

When she was back to the tea room, Orihime sat down on the floor, sighing in relief. She was saved. Now, she needed to get away from him as soon as possible and find a way back to her room.

Little did she know that she just entered into another Hell.

Aizen brought out a sack of sake bottles and put them on the table. He held Orihime's hands, blushing, "Orihime, let's get married." Orihime choked the tea she just drunk out. "Excuse me?"

"Let's get married." Aizen merrily repeated, "We're both deeply in love with each other. What should we wait for? Let's get married."

Let's get married.

Let's get married.

Let's get married.

Orihime felt like she wanted to faint now. Dying in a mid of a fire ocean was much better than this. There was no way she was going to marry this ugly, egotistic, arrogant, selfish, evil, heartless, stupid, crazy, sick old man. Now she just wanted to kick him real hard and tell him to die already.

Luckily for her, before she could respond, the door was full opened and Gin entered the room. Gin asked Aizen worriedly, "Where hav' ya been? I've been lookin' for ya for the whole day."

Aizen just coldly answered, "That's none of your business. Get out. I don't want you to take another glance at my future wife. I'm going to wed her now. You're to prepare the ceremony for us."

"Marriage?", trying to hold his laughter, Gin quickly analyzed the situation, "But Aizen-sama, ain't it a little bit too early? Ya just got to know her for a few hours. I think it's best..."

"Shut up." Aizen angrily snapped at Gin, "Love has no boundary, no time, no place. People like you understand nothing about love. We're deeply in love with each other. We need to marry now. We cannot wait any longer."

We? There was no we. He was the only one who wanted to get married. If he liked to get married that much, he could marry his self in the mirror. She didn't want to marry him. Orihime tried to shoot her begging eyes toward Gin.

Gin sighed, his hands behind his back, thinking hard of a way to help Orihime, "But Aizen-sama, did ya kiss her yet?"

Face burning in red, Aizen timidly shook his head.

"That's no good, Aizen-sama." Gin carried on this new found advantage, "Ya have to learn how to kiss yer bride before the weddin'. Ya don't want to be a lousy kisser in front of everyone in your own weddin', do ya?"

His eyes burning in fire, Aizen pinned Orihime down the floor, "Let's kiss, Orihime, and get married afterward."

Did Gin lose his mind too? How the hell a kiss could help her? It only made the matter worse. No, Orihime mentally shook her head. There was no way she was going to let him touch her.

"That's no good, Aizen-sama. Ya cannot kiss yer bride like this." Gin stopped Aizen just in time before he brushed his lips over hers. "Kissin' is a very sacred thing, you have to do it in the most romantic way. Doing it like this is no good. You have to take thing slow and learn the right way to kiss her."

"So how should I kiss her? I have never fallen in love before, so I don't know how to kiss a girl properly. You seem to have a lot of experiences. Can you teach me, Gin?", still on top of her, Aizen asked.

This time it was Gin's turn to get redder, "Um, Aizen-sama, although I am very experience in this kind," he cough, "I think it is for the best that you learn to do it yourself. Like I said, kissing is a very sacred ritual, you'll taint its pureness if you follow other's footsteps. You have to figure out it on your own and do it in the way that you think is most romantic."

Gin carefully came closer to the couple, "First, you need to get off of her." As Aizen got off of Orihime, Gin nodded, "Then you need to clear your mind and think hard about it."

Gin sighed in relief as Aizen sat quietly in a corner of the room, fairly far away from Orihime, "Good, just take your time and think about it. We're in no hurry at all. I'll take Orihime back to her room to get some rest so that she'll be in good shape before receiving your epic kiss."

Suddenly Aizen stood up. He said brightly, "I've thought of several ways to kiss her, Gin, and I want to try all of these out."

Orihime's heart skipped a beat. God help her! Now she was going to be kissed _several times_ by a much older man who lacked experiences in kissing. Damn that evil man. Who was he to use her as a lab rat? If he wanted to experiment his diverse ways of kissing, go and kiss his self in the mirror.

However, Aizen had whispered something in Gin's ears that made him nod and take his leave. Gin, you traitor. Damn you to Hell. God, she had been using a lot of bad words lately, all thank to the great Aizen-sama. Now, the more she looked at him, the uglier and more defective he was.

Aizen got closer to her, and placed her hands in his, "Orihime, don't worry. I'll promise to give you the most romantic kiss, no, kisses ever. I'll try hard to be the best kisser in this world so that I will not shame you in our wedding.'

She would be in shame for the rest of her life if she was kissed by him. Thinking of that, it would be only a few more hours before the potion would be wore off and she would be free from him. She just needed to hang in a little longer.

XxXxXxX

Gin went back to the room with the pink haired one she met earlier. The pink haired one bowed at her and gave her an apple,

"Orihime-sama, you must be very tired today. Please eat this apple as a refreshment, it will help you to regain your lost energy."

Orihime bit a piece. It was really good, light sweet but very fresh. It had been a while since she ate something this good.

"Orihime." Aizen's call startled her and made her swallow the whole bite of apple before she could chew it completely. She looked at him furiously, "What do you want from me, Aizen-sama?" She didn't bother to hide the bitterness as she said the name Aizen-sama.

Aizen smiled at her delightfully, 'Orihime, I have thought of a way to give you the best kiss ever. You humans like fairy tale very much, don't you? Therefore, I think it will be utmost romantic to give you the kisses following those tales. And one of the greatest kisses ever in the fairy tale history is the kiss from the story "Snow White." You will be Snow White, and I will be your prince who awakes you from your long slumber."

Orihime looked at him, eyes wide open, she could not believe he would get any crazier than he already was, but he did, "But, how could you...". She realized in dismay. It could not be.

The pink haired one smirked, "That's right, Orihime-sama. The apple I gave you was poisoned, and to make the situation more thrilling, if Aizen-sama does not kiss you within the five minutes time limit, you'll really die. I think it's the time for you to lose your consciousness now."

Orihime collapsed on the floor. Her body was numb and unmovable; her mind drifted off to sleep, but her subconsciousness was still lingering around, observing her surrounding, nervously watching what happened to her.

Aizen ordered Gin to put her into a crystal coffin that the pink haired man brought into the room right after she lost her consciousness. Aizen ordered him, "Szayel, put some roses in it too, and don't you dare to touch my princess or even take a glance at her." So his name was Szayel.

After she was safely put into _a_ _coffin like she was already dead, _being covered by the flowers that she did not like one bit, the man that she detested the most told his subordinates, "Hum, something is still missing here. I think the atsmostphere iss still not right." Then he claped his fist into his palm happily, "Oh, I got it. I have to wear a prince costume." He immediately got out of the room like a flying arrow.

For God's sake, did that thick-head jerk have something, no, anything at all in his empty brain? The one he claimed to love deeply was almost dying here. Only have three more minutes to go before she had to say good bye to this beautiful world for the third time, and all he cared about now was what to wear before kissing her. Just come here and kiss her already.

After what Orihime thought was a century, Aizen finally came back, wearing his princely costume with a dark blue vest, white pans, black leather boots, and a dark blue cloak. Although she really really hated it, she had to admit, he looked absolutely stunning in his princely costume, and she could feel her cold half-dead white pale cheek change its color a little to light pink. Anyway, just kiss her already, she had only two minutes left.

However, her evil self-proclaimed lover still insisted to piss her off to no end, "Now that I'm very well dressed, I think that it will be a huge disgrace if my bride is still in that ugly uniform. I demand her to change into a princess dress too."

_Go to Hell, Aizen. If I die now, I'll come back and drag you into the deepest floor of Hell with me. Why don't you just drag your ill-looking ass over here and kiss me already? Hello, I'm dying here. _Orihime cursed in overwhelming rage.

Gin said to the hyper Aizen, "I absolutely agree with ya, Aizen-sama. I have a collection of dresses in my room and I do not mind changing Hime's clothes. Let me go and get them.'

"Stop it right there." Aizen eyed Gin suspiciously, "I know what you're thinking in your little mind. You just want to see my princess in her godly naked form, don't you? No way I will let you look at my princess with your pervert eyes. I'll be the one to dress her."

Fifty more seconds.

Szayel hissed, "Hey hey, I don't want to spoil the fun, but we only have less than one minute left, and I really want to record Aizen-sama's kiss in his current condition for my future experiment." He pointed to his camera in his hand. "So if you don't mind, please proceed with the kiss, Aizen-sama.'

Aizen fumed and tried to take the camera back, "There's no way I'll let you record my beautiful princess. I bet you'll look at her over and over again with inappropriate eyes in your creepy lab. Give me that camera."

Gin also didn't want to miss his fun, "No, Szayel, give it to me. I want to record Aizen-sama in bunny costume."

_Red bean paste, honey, wasabi, ice cream pasta, chocolate mushroom soup, and other yummy foods of this world. Sayonara (*) . I so regret not being able to taste you one last time. _

_Blue men, black cats, white dragons, red eyes giants, yellow wing fairies. Sayonara. Sorry that I can no longer play with you guys._

_Ulquiorra, I hope that you could find that white cat. Tell it when I am no longer in this world that I really really want to feed it and scratch its fur once in my life._

_Teacher, baker, astronomer, pilot, treasure hunter. Sorry that I cannot try all of these jobs in this life time._

_Gin, Szayel, Aizen. Go to Hell. Especially you, Aizen, Hell is too good for you, but right now I cannot think of anyplace worse than Hell, so you go there first until I find out a more suitable place for an insect, no, trash, no, scum like you and send you there._

_Everyone else that I forgot to mention. Sayonara. Sorry I don't have much time left to say a proper good bye, my time is near. _

Back to reality, the three were still fighting ferociously over the camera, and in the deadly battle, they innocently pushed the coffin straight to the wall, making Orihime's body bounce upward and then fall back to the floor, the bite of apple was thrown out of her throat and she woke up, opening her eye in extreme happiness, welcoming her reborn life yet once again.

Her happiness soon died when Aizen shoved his detestable face into her face and used that hideous fake sincere voice to ask her, "Orihime, my dear, Are you ok? I was so worried about you. The thought of losing you makes my heart stop. I'm so happy that you're still alive. Too bad that I cannot kiss you properly this time. Gin, Szayel, should we do it once again?"

Orihime looked around, trying to find something really hard and sharp to hit his face and smash it into pieces.

"Aizen-sama, I think this experiment is a great success." Szayel explained, "I believe the reason Orihime-sama didn't die was because she didn't chew the apple bite completely before swallowing it because you had startled her. Therefore, when she was thrown out of the coffin, the apple was able to get out of her body. You're her savior, Aizen-sama, and I believe that her being thrown out of the coffin was also one of your back-up plans. You're so intelligent, Aizen-sama. This is the proof that your love to her can overcome anything, and can even bring the death back alive. It's the greatest love of all time."

Gin also wiped his fake tears away, "Aizen-sama, ya're so awesome. I'm so touched by yer love for Orihime. Orihime-chan, ya're so lucky. Ya're saved yet once again by yer beloved. Now, it's time to proceed to the next plan, Aizen-sama, to evolve your love for her into the next level."

Why didn't those three just die already? If she should thank anyone for saving her life, it should be the camera. If these three idiots were not fighting over it, she might have died by now.

Jerking his inflated face which was now ten time bigger upward, Aizen ordered proudly, "You're right. Orihime, let's go to our next challenge to make a legend out of our love. Gin, Szayel, go and prepare for our next stage."

XxXxXxXx

Entering the room with Gin and Szayel were the two girls that she had met before in the throne room. Their names were Loly and Melony, she believed. What did Aizen want to do with them?, Orihime wondered.

Aizen joyfully told her his next plan, "Orihime, I'm so happy that we found some people to help us. This is Loly and Melony. They will now be your step-sisters."

"Step-sisters?" Orihime looked at Aizen puzzlingly.

"Yes." Aizen continued in pure delight, "They will be your step-sisters, Orihime because you are now Cinderella. Loly, Melony, make sure to give it your all, playing Orihime's step-sisters."

Loly cough, "Uhm, Aizen-sama. What should we do? Are we allowed to... you know follow the story line?"

"Of course, you should follow the story line wholeheartedly." Aizen looked at them questionably, 'Why shouldn't you?"

Triumph in her eyes, but Loly still pushed Aizen further, "So does it mean we will also follow the... you know the beatings and bullying."

"Of course." Aizen answered, wondering why they were asking such obvious question, "Do anything in your power to make her a true Cinderalla. Then she will be overjoyed, falling into my arms, the prince who will save her from her hell."

That was it. That was the last drop of water into the full cup. She would stand him no further. Grabbing as much books as she could handle from the bookshelf in the left corner of the room, she used all of her energy to hit him hard on his head, "YOU ARE MY HELL. YOU ARE THE ONE I NEED TO BE SAVED FROM." In pure rage, she continued to hit him unstoppably, "Everyone dies, why don't you just die and go to Hell already?".

Trying to improve the situation, Gin said, "This is very close to Hell, and he already died, if you ask." However, seeing her killing eyes shoot at him, he immediately told others, "Everyone, let's go. We should not interfere in lovers' quarrel. Let them have their private time to express their love. Go. Go." He quickly shut the door before he too was pulled into Orihime's rage.

Aizen was a much more difficult bastard to deal with. Despite that many hits onto his head, he still smiled and even looked happy. Orihime stopped, looking at him hatefully.

He put her hands in his, "I'm so happy, Orihime. The more you hit me, the more I can feel your love for me. You must be jealous because I called other females and even dared to look at them, but really, Orihime, I only have you in my eyes. I will love you and you only. I only called them because I thought they would be suitable to the role playing, but if you don't like them, I'll ask Gin and Szayel to play the step-sisters."

Seeing tears roll like rain on her cheeks, he stopped.

"You don't understand." Orihime said in tears, "You do not understand anything at all."

'What don't I understand my dear?" Aizen gently wiped her tears away with his fingers, "Tell me."

Drawing into his deep brown eyes, Orihime murmured, "This is not love. You do not love like this.'

Still locking his eyes in her, he softly caressed her cheeks with his knuckles, "So tell me what love is like.'

_Love is gentle._ He tenderly pulled her closer to his body._ Love is selfless_. He brushed his lips over hers, letting her feel the warmth of his whole body against her. _Love is pure_. He licked her lips lightly, asking for permission. _Love is unexplainable._ He gently entered her mouth, tasting every corner of her sweetness, his hands roaming around her back. _Love is fearless._ He began to grab her head, burying his fingers into her auburn hair, deepening the kiss. _Love comes ferociously like a storm_. He placed her on the floor, still kissing her passionately, his long delicate fingers began to stroke her neck slightly, making her sigh in pleasure. _But love ends swiftly like a wind. _Just when he began to unbutton her dress, he broke the kiss and looked at her in surprise.

"Inoue Orihime. What are you doing here?" Seeing their indecent position, he immediately got off of her, "What are we doing here?"

Panting heavily, Orihime was still unable to register what was going on. It was like a dream. Her first kiss. She looked at him lovingly, blushing.

"I don't feel very well." With that, Aizen vomited the almond cake over Orihime's dress.

"I'm so sorry." Aizen looked at her apologetically. "I'm so sorry. Let me call someone to give you a new dress." He tried to help her clean the dress, but she rudely pushed his hand away.

One thing Orihime knew for sure. She hated him. The in love Aizen and the normal Aizen. They were both jerks. She decided; she would devote the rest of her life to build a proper Hell to cage him in, making him taste the Hell he let her through.

Boiling in rage, she stomped out of the room, letting Aizen look at her back in confusion.

XxXxXxX

"So you said that I was dating Orihime?" Aizen asked Gin, calmly taking a sip of tea.

"Yeah, ya did." Gin yawned. He hadn't slept for the whole day, all thank to the great Aizen-sama.

"Is this so?" Aizen stood up. 'Now, excuse me. I have something I need to attend to." Aizen went into the bathroom. Gin eyed Aizen's back, wondering what he was doing in the bathroom.

When Aizen came back, he asked Gin again, "Are you positive that I dated Orihime for one day?"

"Very positive. I could have recorded your date, if you wasn't gone to the living world and then broke the camera when we were doing the role playing game." Gin began to take his manga out.

"But I didn't see any signs of it happening." Aizen looked at his lower body, "I checked it again and again, but it seemed like nothing has happened"

"It? What are you talking about? And what do you want to happen between you and Orihime? A lot has happened, I believe. It seemed like you played some dangerous games for your love trials in the living world and then tried role playing game when you came back. Szayel and I also joined your game back here."

Aizen sighed in disappointment, "I can't believe my in-love self was that stupid, and she is a very young and beautiful virgin too. I still can't believe that nothing has happened. Gin, call Szayel immediately, I have something I need to ask him."

XxXxXxXx

"You said that you lost the rest of the love potion bottles?" Aizen placidly asked Szayel, masking his anger and disappointment.

"I was so panicked when I lost the almond flavoured bottle, so I left the chest in the kitchen and ran over to find Gin, then you had gone missing and we went to find you every where in Las Noches. When you came back, I was pulled into the role playing game. By the time I returned to the kitchen, it has disappeared. But I promise you, Aizen-sama, I'll never make love potion again. I have burned the magic book so that I will never create any problems to you again."

Aizen waved his hands, signaling Szayel to dismiss. That liar, no way he would destroy his precious book, but it seemed like Aizen could not get his hand on those potions again any time soon, and Orihime was such a beautiful girl with a tempting body too. He sighed.

XxXxXxXx

Orihime got out of the bathroom in her new uniform and smiled at the fresh baked cake,

"Thank you, Ulquiorra, for making me this cherry cake, and I had such a terrible day. I can't believe that I'm still alive to meet you and MewMew." She tried to pet the new born white cat, but the cat growled at her angrily, nuzzling its head into Ulquiorra arms.

"Don't be bothered by her. She was like this ever since she ate the cake I just baked for you, sticking with me like glue, and growling at anyone or anything that was close to me."

"It's so yummy, Ulquiorra. Thank you." Orihime cheerfully put a piece into her mouth.

"No need to thank me. I saw a chest of flavour bottles in the kitchen when I was looking for MewMew, and since you were nowhere to be found, I thought I could kill my time by making a cake using the flavour. If you like it, I'll make a cake with the other flavours for you everyday."

Orihime looked at Ulquiorra dreamily, "Oh, Ulquiorra. My heart is pounding so fast right now..."

The end.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **__(*)_Sayonara means good bye. I think it fits better here using sayonara.

Morals of the story (cont..)

7) Do not chase after a new born white cat especially when you yourself is bad at direction.

8) Never take home something you are not sure what it is from a messy kitchen.

9) Never, never eat an apple from a stranger.

10) Better not show Aizen the human's fairy tales.

11) Do not fall in love with your prisoner.

12) Do not fall in love with your captor.

13) Always prepare a compass with you in case your date wants to bring you into a maze.

14) Better not praise your date for his good handwriting or you will have more wall papers than you need it.

15) Never feed a cat a cake.

16) If your date said that he loved you, immediately answer that you love him too if you don't want to be dragged into _very romantic _adventures that could cost you your precious life.

17) Well, may be we should always bring a camera with us on our date...Who knows, it might save us from an unexpected death.

18) Always prepare extra clothes with you on your date in case your self-proclaimed boyfriend decides to forget that he loves you and wants to vomit all of the _love potion_ on your dress.

19) Well, if you don't love your prisoner, do not bake her a cake with something you get from a messy kitchen. If you do love her, then make sure to hide the remaining potion bottles from your boss and make her a cake with those delicious flavors everyday.

20) If you like a story, you should review it. Why? Simply because it makes the one who wrote it happy. Since anonymous review is enable, you just need to click on the review button below to give me some feedback or constructive criticism. This is my first crack ever, so I appreciate any comments.


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